Trust is an important component in a successful marriage. Sadly, many couples grapple with financial infidelity, sometimes with devastating results.
Here are some of the most common types of financial trust issues couples face:
Secret funds – Sometimes one spouse hides funds from the other in a secret bank account, under the bed, or as a raise/bonus that is never mentioned. The reason may be perfectly innocent (saving up to buy a gift), but the need to hide financial information can also be 
a symptom of something more sinister, such as a secret gambling habit.
Lying about spending – When you ask your spouse how much was spent on a purchase and he lies about the answer, what does it mean? Is it because you can’t really afford it right now, and there is fear about negative reactions and anger?
Hidden debt – If one spouse assumes the other is taking care of the bills and finds out that the bills weren’t paid, there is not only a feeling of betrayal of trust, but the additional tax of having to find money to pay late and/or reinstatement fees. As I said in a recent article that appeared in Forbes, called “Six Money Secrets Your Significant Other Could Be Hiding From You,” although such news can be both emotionally and financially devastating, it’s very important not to explode when you discuss it with your spouse. Being confrontational will only make your partner defensive and resentful. Speak calmly, acknowledging that you know the secret, and address the need for a future plan.
Communication is your most important asset
The best way to prevent fiscal infidelity is to be open about your joint (and personal) finances. Be non-judgmental when discussing needs and wants. By speaking calmly, you gain your spouse’s trust. Have realistic expectations as the problems won’t be solved overnight, and renew your commitment to solve them as well as your commitment to each other. While separate bank accounts may signal a need for marriage counseling, sometimes having separate accounts works, if both partners still meet shared bills and goals.
Whether you are worried about financial fidelity or not, make it a priority to discuss money with your partner. Your marriage may depend on it.
For more about the importance of financial communication in marriage, listen to this interview with Dorian Mintzer, co-author of The Couple’s Retirement Puzzle and Live Smart After 50!,first broadcast on the Goldstein On Gelt Show.
Douglas Goldstein, CFP®, is the Director of Profile Investment Service, Ltd., which specializes in helping people who live in Israel with their US dollar assets and American investment and retirement accounts. He helps olim meet their financial goals through asset allocation, financial planning, and using money managers.
Published May 11, 2015.